Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Pretty in Poo

Following is a true story: those easily offended by graphic details regarding bodily waste are warned to read no further.

Koji was feverish over the weekend and complained of pain in his throat and mouth. Complained is probably too mild a word, actually. He's been literally screaming from the agony that waking up and swallowing or trying to eat produces. So this morning we were off to the doctor's office to see what walk-in hours were like.

Before we left, I changed Izumi's diaper. Therein were a couple of chunks of poo that I wanted to flush down the toilet. So I put the package of diaper and poo on top of the Diaper Genie and hauled Izumi off to her car seat. I then proceeded to forget about disposing of the diaper properly in my rush to get us off to the doctor.

When we arrived at the doctor, we found chaos and mayhem. Rather than wait to see how long it would take for the doctor to work her way through an entire page of names to get to us, I signed us up for an afternoon appointment and we left (much to Koji's dismay! I'm not sure why he was so bent on seeing the doctor right then? Maybe he still doesn't understand the difference between "later" and "tomorrow").

We got home just in time for Izumi's morning nap. I put her down and then got Koji settled with some Caillou. The moments of peace and quiet that ensued were so rare and precious, I should have known they were too good to be true. Instead, I ignorantly proceeded with cleaning the kitchen, working on the laundry and even making progress on some Bible Study.

At some point, I thought I heard a noise through Izumi's monitor, but I ignored it, hoping she would go back to sleep. Finally, two hours after I put her down, I went upstairs to check on her.

To my complete horror, I found that she had apparently woken up much earlier. She looked around for something to play with and found the formerly mentioned loosely wrapped diaper and poo package sitting easily within her reach. I'll never know exactly what happened next. But I do know that there was poo all over her sheets, the bars of her crib, her clothes, and most horrifyingly, her face. That's right, she ate her poo. Or at least sampled it.

Are you laughing or crying? I was crying, I felt so horrible for leaving her poo within reach. She doesn't know that poo isn't for eating! I shouldn't have given her a chance to sample it. Bad mama! Bad! Or so I said to myself, and the more so when I realized that she was feverish to boot.

I wondered if I would ever tell this story to anyone. I went to great lengths to hide the clean-up process from Koji so he wouldn't be inclined to repeat the incriminating story at a moment I least expected. How would Aogu react when he found out I poisoned our daughter with her own feces?

God is good, even in disgusting moments like these. He had my sister call. Of course I couldn't not tell her what had just happened, though I tried to keep it to myself. She just laughed and said that she's heard plenty of stories of babies learning to get their diapers off and then smearing poo all around and yes, even sampling it.

So that made me feel slightly less like Irresponsible Mama of the Year. Then I took the kids off to the doctor, and when I sheepishly told the doctor what had happened, she hardly let me me finish the story for insisting that possible poo ingestion and fevers were most definitely not related.

Finally, I told Aogu, and he cracked up and said, "You better put that on the blog". I'm almost ready to accept that this is a pretty funny story, but I think I'm still glad that I didn't take a picture. Please don't think less of my sweet little daughter...or me...this has been a true story, LIVE from Skokie...


Ricardo said...

Jenny and I just busted out laughing. We can't imagine the feeling of looking at the aftermath! This is by far the best and tastiest story we have read in any blog. Just don't share this story with Izumi's high school friends.

Mom said...

I, for one, definitely DO NOT think less of you or your sweet daughter.

The west coast representation is laughing/crying with you.


Shanel said...

I busted out laughing too recalling a certain memory of two twin boys in a bath tub in Lake Tahoe while we were on vacation. One had pooed in the tub and they were both playing with it and eating it. I, as a 12 year old, at the time, was completely horrified and disgusted. But it happens!

Jamie, YOU ARE AN AMAZING MOTHER! I take cues from you and learn from you all the time! Don't lose heart over your daughter sampling her poo. She will be stronger for it! Somehow. :)

Laurie Ann said...

Dear Sister - I'm still laughing! Love you.

Emily said...

Laughing...definitely laughing. And I still think you are a great mother. :-)

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry you had to experience that. I am still laughing at the ordeal, and it totally reminds me of some friends in Columbus - we had Bible study at their house, and guess who found their twin boys enacting the same experience. Yes, it was me,and I just said "(Parent's name), you need to come and see this". Then I shut the door to their bedroom and walked away. The boys were completely covered. I will never forget that sight. But the mother of the twin boys is a wonderful mother, as are you. Just consider it another bond you get to share with other mothers. Thanks for sharing the story.

Emery said...


Mirai once took off all her clothes and her diaper which was full of poo. It was all over the bars of her crib and her arms. At least John was on duty! :) You are not alone!

Jess said...

I stayed with some friends once, and after the baby woke up from her nap, we heard wailing coming from her room. She too, had taken off her diaper and smeared herself all over. And was apparently very distraught about it, which I thought was the funniest part. If you're going to play in your own poo, be prepared to face the consequences, I say. You might not like it after all.